The Future is getting closer
I've done something dreadful - actually posted on Facebook about my real life, neither holiday pics nor moans from the depths of despair. How unusual. It went like this....
Hi People! I had a look through my friends list recently and I've established that most of you are people who actually know me, so I thought I'd give you a little update on what's up in my life.
I've been in my first 'grown up' job now for nearly 2 years. I work in Children's Services with families at risk of homelessness, and I applied for the job largely to find out if I should become a social worker and to gain relevant experience. It's the sort of career that is personally costly and requires a lot of resilience, and I've proved to myself that I can do it, even when I'm fighting anxiety and depression alongside it. Accordingly, I've applied to train as a social worker.
I know I want to give my best to those who have the least, and social work gets me right in there with the trickiest situations.
But I think I've just decided to scrap it.
It's been a rough couple of years for many reasons, and God has been teaching me stuff: first and foremost, to trust Him with things that I can't handle myself. I'm discovering that this is something you can only learn by doing, and that it is a long, slow, difficult process of the 'one step forward, two steps back' variety. I'm learning to be OK with the fact that in the grown up world, everything takes a really long time; and that most of my time is now spent on self-care, that is, all the things that 2 years ago I would have considered indulgent, selfish and wasteful. I'm learning that there's time. Time to grow up, to process things, to take care of myself and others, to figure out what's important.
The average career in social work is just 5 years, I'm told; this is put down to high levels of burnout. I'm more than happy to burn myself out for the things I think are worthwhile. I've done it before, and I'll do it again, with apologies to those around me who have to pick up the pieces.
That said - I'd like to be able to offer something better. The best social workers are the people who really know what they're doing. That comes with experience. It also comes with being settled and committed and sure of yourself, and right now that isn't me.
Perhaps one day it will be. I know my calling is to hard places, and one way or another I will make my way back to them. I hope it will be with enough quietness in my own heart to bring peace to others. For now, I think it's time to step back; to find a new challenge perhaps, or a different place of rest. To be young and clueless and not responsible, to relish the freedom that comes with not knowing what's next; with not having to know, because He knows.
I'm not sure yet - you may yet see me rolling up to start a social work degree in January, or accidentally applying for one of the other fascinating jobs going in my office.
Who knows.
What's up with you?
Hi People! I had a look through my friends list recently and I've established that most of you are people who actually know me, so I thought I'd give you a little update on what's up in my life.
I've been in my first 'grown up' job now for nearly 2 years. I work in Children's Services with families at risk of homelessness, and I applied for the job largely to find out if I should become a social worker and to gain relevant experience. It's the sort of career that is personally costly and requires a lot of resilience, and I've proved to myself that I can do it, even when I'm fighting anxiety and depression alongside it. Accordingly, I've applied to train as a social worker.
I know I want to give my best to those who have the least, and social work gets me right in there with the trickiest situations.
But I think I've just decided to scrap it.
It's been a rough couple of years for many reasons, and God has been teaching me stuff: first and foremost, to trust Him with things that I can't handle myself. I'm discovering that this is something you can only learn by doing, and that it is a long, slow, difficult process of the 'one step forward, two steps back' variety. I'm learning to be OK with the fact that in the grown up world, everything takes a really long time; and that most of my time is now spent on self-care, that is, all the things that 2 years ago I would have considered indulgent, selfish and wasteful. I'm learning that there's time. Time to grow up, to process things, to take care of myself and others, to figure out what's important.
The average career in social work is just 5 years, I'm told; this is put down to high levels of burnout. I'm more than happy to burn myself out for the things I think are worthwhile. I've done it before, and I'll do it again, with apologies to those around me who have to pick up the pieces.
That said - I'd like to be able to offer something better. The best social workers are the people who really know what they're doing. That comes with experience. It also comes with being settled and committed and sure of yourself, and right now that isn't me.
Perhaps one day it will be. I know my calling is to hard places, and one way or another I will make my way back to them. I hope it will be with enough quietness in my own heart to bring peace to others. For now, I think it's time to step back; to find a new challenge perhaps, or a different place of rest. To be young and clueless and not responsible, to relish the freedom that comes with not knowing what's next; with not having to know, because He knows.
I'm not sure yet - you may yet see me rolling up to start a social work degree in January, or accidentally applying for one of the other fascinating jobs going in my office.
Who knows.
What's up with you?
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